Hitman Agent 47 Review: Story of a FPS Gamer Failing at Stealth...

People who know a thing or two about me will also know that stealth games are my weaknesses. Ever since my early childhood I grew up with stealth as well as RTS games but stealth aspect has always been on the top of my list whenever I want to play or purchase a game. Games like Splinter Cell, Commandos, Thief and of course Hitman were some of my most beloved stealth games during my childhood and they provided me with some amazing memories where I felt like I really achieved something by overcoming the difficult challenges set by them.

Hitman is one of the most successful and best stealth games there is and it was a game I enjoyed dearly or sometimes hated so much that I wanted to pluck out my hair or bash my head against the wall. That's how certain difficult missions would make me feel, but I never gave up deciding to go in guns blazing killing anyone or anything on sight in the middle of a huge crowd which is pretty much the whole story with Hitman Agent 47 movie...

Hitman tells the story of Agent 47, a genetically engineered assassin who is trained to kill without leaving any witnesses or footprints behind. The Agents are super humans with much higher intelligence than normal humans and they are trained to hide in plain sight and find the most plausible way to kill their targets to close out their contracts. In doing so they are not to leave any witnesses which is why noone really knows how these Agents look like. So noone really knows that they should avoid a bald guy with a barcode on the back of his head wearing an expensive Italian suit and a red tie...

Of course that doesn't happen in the movie... If you start shooting at your target in a subway station filled with hundreds of people or in the middle of a busy road loaded with traffic you are bound to have "a couple" of witnesses...The movie leaves a bitter taste in my mouth because it feels like it was written and directed by a fps player who can't handle the challenges of the very tough stealth genre and it's nothing but a cheesy action movie.

This meme is a great summary of Hitman Agent 47 movie.

My experience of watching Hitman Agent 47 felt like I was watching a playthrough of a fps shooter gamer trying to take on a stealth approach but ending up killing anything that moves in the middle of hundreds of witnesses and leaving piles of bodies behind after failing horribly at it... Although the real sad part is, that sneaky stealth aspect was "never" attempted to begin with. Counting every single stealth game I have played over the years; I didn't kill as many as they did in the first 7 minutes of the movie (if I killed anyone at all that is...)

Hitman Agent 47 joins the long list of major flops that were inspired by games. I don't understand why they can't get it right. When I was having a conversation with a friend about the movie, he sent me the following video. Now this is how a Hitman movie should look like:

You might be asking, "If you knew it would be terrible, why did you watch it in the first place?". Setting aside satisfying my curiosity, Zachary Quinto and Rupert Friend were among the factors that drew me into the movie. I think Friend did his best considering the poor quality of the material and tried to make the "not-even-fully-bald" look work as much as he could but to me the real scene stealer was Zachary Quinto. I wish he stopped making rubbish like this and joined Heroes Reborn for an episode or two. Wow that TV show is mighty terrible right now and it needs a little improvement in quality... Quinto brings just that to every projects he takes part in so it's sad to see his talent being wasted in such disappointing movies :'(

Anyway if you are a Hitman fan, avoid this movie at all costs provided you don't have other factors drawing you in. I don't even understand why this movie has the title "Hitman" in it because it has got absolutely nothing to do with the Hitman series. It's just another cheap action movie... As another dear friend of mine said "Don't judge a game by its movie" so if you ever want to give Hitman a go, there is no better time than now. It's a fantastic game!

Now if you'll excuse me, I will play some Hitman: Blood Money hoping it will make the movie fade into a distant memory or maybe even help me forget about its existence forever.